Saturday 24 December 2011
Conc-Awe-d
Monday 28 November 2011
Fly Me To The Fear
Pteromerhanophobia. A deluxe name for what essentially means, 'I hate flying more than is socially acceptable.' Pteron is Greek for wing. Not to be confused with Pteronophobia - which is a fear of being tickled with feathers. Perhaps the latter (of which I don't have, luckily) cancels out the former. If so, feel free to tickle me at high altitude. Anyway I share my Pteromerhanophobia with some cool people: David Bowie. And also some not so cool people: Kim Jong-Il. Britney Spears.
Wednesday 16 November 2011
Piston Power
After a while, maligned like a knackered old greyhound, every prop plane has to bite the dust. By 1967 TWA was Totally Jet. On the seats of the fancy new planes, passengers found the awesome propaganda booklet, 'Props Are For Boats.' Given that most companies were going jet one by one anyway I can't see what purpose this would have served, aside from some self-congratulatory puff and a curious read for aviation geeks.
If you're a total geek, check out the entire docu here. It's worth it alone for the weird 'hello' Arthur dispenses in the first 40 seconds, while creepily stroking some trophies. And if you're wondering who the chap is at the end of this clip, it's the commendably named Captain Stacy Chance, whose website tutorial helps countless flying-phobes.
Monday 7 November 2011
Jarvis, Russia and The Bins: A Side Dish
An aside. Imagine we're on the hard shoulder of my blog now. The periphery. We're making a quick tangential trip into the woods. The air is cold. Quick! Keep close behind, and don't look left nor right...
Why am I almost incurably ill with the want to visit Russia?
But then there are a lot of countries that are far more stand-offish (Dom Joly's accounts of North Korea are fascinating for one - he's been to Pripyat too, but that's got nothing to do with this, apart from the fact I want to go there). But for me, Russia (and it's former republics) just has something. It's like a real-life gothic fable I want to tumble head-first into, taking the lead role in a wool overcoat or something hooded (Fable Whore). There's something about the culture, the folkloric overtones, the architecture, the art and the elegance that I find bewitching. I like the cold, the darkness, the secrets, the superstition, the mythology. And at the other end, the grit and determination of a nation which endured years of censorship and repression.
I want to taste the history. A soup of revolutions, uncertainty, triumph over adversity, angst and relief, bribery, corruption, agents and spies. In GCSE history I half listened to nuggets on the Russian Empire, the last Tsar, Rasputin and the Bolsheviks - but never quite appreciated it at the time. Instead my friend and I spent lessons designing comedy Trotsky merchandise (bedspreads and lampshades). What a bonehead (me. She's still cool.)
If I fall in love with a country, I want to see the suburbs. I want to see where I would live, if I'd been born there. What local shops I'd go to. What adverts I'd be susceptible to and what toothpaste and washing powder I'd use.
I want to go to Belarus and see the apartment Korbut grew up in, and see inside the specialist sports school she attended (one of many, designed solely to produce Olympic champs.) I want to go to Siberia and see the world's oldest and deepest lake. I want to discover the old abandoned homes deep inside the Russian forest, laden with charm and woodworm, which look like eerie dolls houses (above), and the centuries old traditional wooden orthodox churches found in the North (top).
On the flip side I want to see with my own eyes, some of the brutalist monuments, palaces and buildings to come out of the 70s, 80s and 90s, where the architects sensed the loosening of reins and went mildly bonkers, yes and-ing parts of their imaginations long-repressed to create inconceivable and imposing buildings like the Palace of Weddings in Tbilisi, the polytechnic university in Minsk and the House of the Soviets in Kalinigrad (all featured in architect Frederic Chaubin's Cosmic Communist Constructions Photographed).
For me, this giant place is like an insurmountable treasure trove. A place of past oppression and endless once-upon-a-times. A rich and detailed painting, layered with meanings and riddles I can't hope to understand.
And maybe it's also an under-dog thing. This is massively general, but I am definitely drawn towards countries or communities that haven't had it easy. Because when life is difficult, often what springs forth is determination and creativity. When times are hard, it's inevitable that people access their heart and soul more; they sing louder, they feel more keenly, they live with more verve, they are the cognoscenti of camaraderie... because who knows what's going to happen tomorrow. Feeling marginalised seems to go hand in hand with a strong sense of justice. The need to be the best version of you possible, to offset the circumstances...
Sunday 6 November 2011
Babyflot
2. Don't let the implied cuteness of the baby word distract you.
The safety record for many of these new airlines were so appalling, that the International Air Transport Association recommended train travel in the former Soviet Union as a preferable and less death-y option (closely followed by unicycling head first into an Amur Tiger's mouth and riding a Snow Sheep back to front through the Siberian Alps*)
Essentially, the amount of planes needed for such a huge Baby(Flot) Boom, just couldn't be met. So the crafts often used were geriatric, rickety and poorly maintained. Parts for broken planes often couldn't be located for weeks. Sometimes not at all. Documentary, Airplaneski delves into the murkiness, poverty and pilot frustration of 20-years-ago-Russia, with some incredible first hand accounts of flights that were at best bonkers, and at worst, foggy (inside the plane) white knuckle rides culminating in multiple and unscheduled pit-stops, often decided by bribe or passenger vote ('Can we drop our eldest and naughtiest off at Rostov-On-Don, please? He's being a dick. Yes, without the comfort blanket.')
Why is it all going so wrong? I learned today that Aviacor is the largest manufacturer of Russian planes. It makes the gloriously named Antonovs, Tupolevs, and Yaks - but it only makes one new plane a year. The government says, 'buy Russian.' But how, if there's nothing to buy? It's like saying, 'go to the soap shop and buy some soap. There's no soap in there. Just some rank old stuff. But make sure you buy it, yeah?' Most of Aviacor's time is spent servicing ancient planes, which clearly doesn't work as there have been six fatal crashes this year. Now I love a splendid retro plane, inside and out. But not one that's still in active service and being run into the ground. It's like making Grandma work a 50-hour week and then poking her with a stick if she sits down.
The final Act
Shock. In the wake (turbulence) of far too much furrow-browed information-overload, now for something lighter. One thing I noticed on my tour of Babyflots, is the array of (sometimes endless) generally quite poetic sounding company names. Just for kicks, I have plucked my favourite sounding ones and listed them below. I base my choices and ponderings purely on the arrangement of letters and sounds my eyes and ears enjoy...
Monday 31 October 2011
Aircraft Geekery Part 3 - The Flot Factor
Monday 17 October 2011
A Tangent. Or a Tangerine?
Sunday 16 October 2011
Braniff - A Meaty Appendix
Friday 7 October 2011
A Diversion: Sketch the Future
Thursday 6 October 2011
Sky Creatures
Sunday 25 September 2011
Pan-Am TV
Saturday 24 September 2011
Hidden Treasure: BOAC Friday
Apparently airline memorabilia is scarce. So imagine my delight when, after a chat about my blog on a Friday night, my mum said these magical words: 'We have a BOAC ashtray.' Not what I was expecting. And so, with a little digging around the kitchen, she produced this wondrous item (yes, I did a jig, clasped my hands together and squealed like a normal female in a handbag shop). The 70s collectable used to belong to a university friend of hers and it survived my parents' ruthless downsize: a house move which spelled the end for many less lucky items, such as a satsuma coloured Sindy bathroom suite and a Dot Matrix printer (RIP). She says she had an inkling of it's potential value. It totally surpassed my expectations. A deep navy/green-blue think it's one of the most beautiful things ever.
Friday 23 September 2011
Travolt-Air
Qantas does John's maintenance in return for him being all ambassador-y about their flying kangaroo. It does the trick. Even a Hollywood billionaire can't afford to keep such a beast running alone. Good to know. It's above our heads after all.
Most excitingly, it also mean't Johnny painting it faithful to yesteryear. Look at the lovely Qantas font(as). And I really enjoy the aesthetic of a black nose which makes it almost anthropomorphic. An airborne puppy sniffing out turbulence. As Travolta preceptively says: 'Owning a big plane like this without it looking like an airline seems odd to me.'
He even has his own uniform for him and his six crew: An efficient navy, wavy and white get up with tasty epaulettes, that shout competence. Not white and flared, unfortunately. But then I'm pretty sure he didn't contemplate calling his liner Night Fev-Air either, but it's fun to ponder. And really, Tony Manero in the cockpit? He'd be too busy showing the laydee's his throttle. What a yoke. Fnrr.
I once I spent an entire afternoon talking about all the things your could paint planes to look like: sausages, toothpaste tubes, pencils, an accusatory finger...
Basically anything long and pointy (stop it). But let's face it, none of those are as good as a plane looking like a ruddy good plane.
Having said that, I'd still love to see a giant hotdog careering across the horizon...
(left, below: the beauteous original 707 interior)