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Secrets and Lies

Often you're told stuff about flying that sounds insane. Other things sound more plausible. What's consistent is the inconsistency. You don't need to know this stuff, right? You're only a civilised, educated human who's probably worked it all out anyway...

Well, regardless, here's a short myth busting guide as to what the hell is going on in the sky. From me to you, Kind Passenger.

What's Up?
My pilot is unnecessary and will read his own palm and listen to jazz as the plane flies itself.

What's Really, Truly Up?
Take off is manual. And so are loads of landings. The pilot tells the computer who tells the plane what to do. Without the pilot, Otto-pilot would be inert. And the plane wouldn't go anywhere.

What's Up?
My airline food tastes of salt and nonsense.

What's Really, Truly Up?
In the cabin your nose dries out and numbs a third of your taste buds. So they will add anything: zombie dust, punk moves, crunchy kerb juice* just to make you aware the thing in your mouth is food and not the inflight magazine or the steward's tie.

What's Up?
Water on planes will make you barf.

What's Really, Truly Up?
If you're unlucky, yes. Some tanks have bacteria in them. Solve this by drinking gin. Or another less ubiquitous alcohol genre of your choosing.

What's Up?
You will get smashed faster on less booze, and therefore will be served less in case you start drooling aggression.

What's Really, Truly Up?
BS. Blood alcohol level doesn't increase in the air. It's the general lack of oxygen flying around making your mind wonk, not the Bloody Mary in front of you, so drink up.

What's Up?
The brace position breaks your neck on impact, making death quicker and less crappy.

What's Really, Truly Up?
Numerous tests have proven it protects your head from flying objects (including other passengers who haven't adopted it). It also stops your arms from flailing and fingers from breaking and gives you a better chance of surviving and being a talking head on the news later that day.

What's Up?
There's a hole in the plane. Ugh, everyone is about to get sucked out.

What's Really, Truly Up?
This is the fault of cinema and films. Unless you are right on top of it, it or you stick your face in it like a gin-soaked lunatic, you wont get sucked out. Sit tight, and do the brace - you're probably in for a crash landing.

* Not exactly.

Ghost Planes

Oh my heart.

The Boneyard Project, Arizona. Art on abandoned planes. The marrying of two things I totally love. I really don't think there's any greater thing. Little ghost planes being given a new purpose. I think there's a breeze near my eyes or something...














I can't tell you how much I'd like to acquire one of these to paint. The epic scale and scope of what you could do. It's the ultimate blank canvas. But, hey ...

... with a little drive,  surely anything's possible.

http://www.amusingplanet.com/2013/01/the-boneyard-project-art-on-abandoned.html